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"Dating or Waiting?"
From "Rights & Limits in Islam"

- by Sheik Yusuf Estes

Question: "What do I tell or explain to a 14 year old Muslim boy - Why he can't date?"

The letter reads...

Asalamoalaikum - My question:

What do I tell or explain to a 14 year old Muslim boy why he can't date?
please guide me to give an appropriate answer.
jazakallah khair - asalamoalaikum
<name deleted>
Bismillah Rahman Raheem
From: Yusuf Estes
ISLAM ALWAYS - http://www.IslamAlways.com
Peace be unto all who follow true guidance:
Re: "Dating Or Waiting? "
Islam provides something no other culture, society or religion can provide - an entire way of life that is designed by the Creator of man for his own best interests. It is only by following the orders and commandments of Allah, the Creator that we can maximize our lives to the fullest and take the most benefit from all of our experiences in this life.
Islam provides for us both RIGHTS & LIMITS - and this may well be secret to the success of being a true Muslim. By forsaking our own desires and sacrificing a small amount here in this life, we gain what is much better for us here and in the Next Life as well.
When it comes to "sex" - Islam allows it with full honor and dignity and total enjoy - but within certain limits.
The first reward for "waiting instead of dating" is to have a beautiful relationship with your wife, who like yourself, has also waited. You enjoy the pleasure of each other knowing that you are both pleasing each other in ways only you are priviledge to do, not like those who have "dated."
The second reward is the security of knowing there isn't any risk of health or disease involved being passed from one to another, as for those who "dated."
The third reward is knowing that children for your "waiting" are without question your own children.
The fourth reward is security that your spouse is not comparing experiences with many others from "dating."
The fifth reward is pleasing your Lord, who will make things better for you, because you waited.
The sixth reward is knowing that you have lived up to being what a Muslim is all about - "submitting."
The seventh reward is following the orders of the Quran and being of those whom the Quran will be witiness for on the Day of Judgment.
The eight reward is following the way of our prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, as he also "waited" and never "dated."
The ninth reward is avoiding the punishment of the grave, the Day of Judgment and even the Hell Fire for those who "dated" instead of "waiting."
The tenth reward is the beautiful women of Paradise who remain forever as virgins, never touched by men or jinn.
The eleventh reward is your own wife in Jennah (Paradise) who is more lovely than anything or anyone you have ever imagined in your whole life on earth.
The twelfth reward is to live together in the most beautiful condition, having everything you ever wanted without limits any longer - you pleased with your Lord and He pleased with you - for eternity.
Prophet's Advise & Dua Regarding Youth & Sex
The prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was asked by a young man to let him have permission to have sex with a girl (even though he was not married).
The prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, asked him if he would allow such a thing for his sister;
He said, "No!"
The prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "A girl may be someone's sister." And then he asked him if he would allow such a thing for his mother;
He said, "NO!"
The prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "A girl may be someone's mother." And then he asked him if he would allow such a thing for his daughter;
He said, "NO!"
The prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "Every girl is someone's daughter." And then the prophet, peace be upon him, placed his hand on the young man's chest and ask Allah to make him able to wait and not be of the ones who do this thing.
And the people said after that, there was no one amongst the people who was more against such a thing than this boy.
"Skip the dating - it's worth the waiting."
Please convey this to our youth and remind them of the "Rights and Limits of Islam" - All of the people have rights:
  • A man has the right to marry a virgin (how will she be virgin if people are dating?)
  • A woman has a right to marry a virgin man (how is it possible if he is dating?)
  • A child has the right to both his mother and his father (many children today are born to unwed mothers)
  • The parents have rights to know about their grandchildren (how is this possible when girls are having abortions?)
  • A child has the right to grow up and have a normal, happy life with two parents
    (And this is possible if both parents wait and not date)
Arguement - Dating Doesn't Always Lead to Sex
Some may argue, not all dating leads to sex. But whatever opens the door to sin, is to be avoided as well as the sin itself. Being alone together without a chaparone is forbidden in Islam, as it was in the church until just a few decades ago.
Prophet's Orders
Prophet, peace be upon him, forbid the man and woman to be alone together, saying there was no such thing as a man and a woman alone together, because whenever there is a man and a woman alone together, shayton is always the third.
He also told us, whatever leads to haram is also haram.
We ask Allah, The Almighty, The Merciful, The Guide - to guide all of our Muslim youth to be patient and forebearing and to grant them good spouses here in this life and beautiful mates in the Next Life, ameen.
Salam alaykum,
Yusuf Estes
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